Peace with the Pieces, Mess from the Message… yeah, yeah, but how?

I used to tell myself that I stretched myself too thin from searching… chasing happiness in any direction, looking for any mentor, guide, pathway that seemed to make sense.

Turns out, none of them did. Even worse? They probably never could.

I’ve heard the concept “soul contract” since or … “hell is meeting the person you could have been at the end of your life”.

Nobody can tell you what your soul craves.

It’s a paralyzing thought, staring into the abyss of possibilities — leaning to a-void and… through all this I thought of procrasturbation… like.. if you masturbate by procrastinating right? Now, I’ve heard that both masturbation and procrastination are the same since you end up only fucking yourself… but… does that make it a sexy doubleteam?

And these thought streams are why I excuse bad behaviour.

… or excused.

Unfortunately with the state of the universe and all I have learned means that I actually have to see my part in the cosmos and do my best to fulfill my goals… for myself.

I have always struggled. I have ADD/ADHD, likely female autistm, fibromyalgia, tibial torsion, (yet to be confirmed) Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome, IBS, migraines, asthma, chronic pain, chronic fatigue… and I’m probably missing some. My favourite part? Not much of this is something you can see on the outside besides some of the symptoms they present.

But boy do they ever affect my life.

Funny thing was that I assumed that everyone struggled the same way that I did. I just assumed I kinda… just sucked at it. I thought I was crazy, lazy and dumb. Because I adopted stories from what I heard, what I felt, the experiences I had and the social interactions that left me in patterns that… turns out never served me justice.

Luckily, I still have time, I have grown awareness, and I went down.. really down first… so the upswing? Oh, there’s so much room to go up!

I’ve done a good deal of research, I’m ready to take action, and I’m absolutely over what it looked like before.

I’m excited to document this process, the struggles, the gains, the learnings and the amazing people that I get to work with and profile in my adventure.

Just like the tarot archetypes, 0, The Fool…

I want to sumbit myself to the Midnight Society~ I hope that this helps anyone else find their path faster so they don’t have to experience the same sort of dissonance with the universe that I did.

You belong here, you deserve to experience the fullest extent of what your existence offers. Good people need to take up good space. We need new sci-fi writers to imagine a future for us again. We need to show up, every day for ourselves… knowing that you being elevated elevates the web of beautiful creatures around you… and if you were missing… so many people would be sad in your absence.

We need you.

Thanks for all you do.